Women often reach out for support from a doula when they are struggling to see the positives or don’t have the support around them to remind them of the little things that may have happened during the day that made them smile.
Parenting can be overwhelming at times and the first few months can certainly feel never ending. Well-meaning family members may tell you to ‘saviour every moment’ but that is easier said than done, when you are faced with a tiny human being who isn’t sure of their own needs, let alone what might soothe them.
In these situations, it’s hard to see the positives so it is really important to make a note of them and use them to get through the testing moments. One great trick is to write them down on notes and stick them up where you can see them. That way, instead of thinking the baby screamed all day you have a visual reminder that you also had 10 mins contented resting or a successful feed and burp. You could also add positive notes about your own achievements, having a shower, eating lunch, leaving the house.
Spending time with a family is a great way for a doula to listen and observe how they interact and be able to highlight any small wins that may take place. Sleep deprivation, uncertainty or anxiousness often takes over and it becomes easy to think that nothing positive happened during the day or night.
These stages of development are not going to last forever and as a baby grows in ability so does a parent’s confidence and enjoyment of being a parent. Building a physical reminder of ‘the best bits’ allows for positive associations to be made.
Businesses will promote and celebrate profits, Charities will promote and celebrate achievements and breakthroughs, and celebrities will celebrate and promote anything – you need to do the same!
I often hear mums say ‘we never thought we would get so enthusiastic over a burp’ or, ‘praise our baby for a loud fart’. But I say fantastic, celebrate those achievements, high five your reaction, take away that feel good and use it to get through the low points.
A visual reminder also helps partners who may have been at work all day see how the day has gone and helps focus their support.
So here I am celebrating my small win of launching my brand new website as Doula Kate, focusing on the positive side of parenting support and hoping you can too!